Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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