ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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