End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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