I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
