you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
