she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
