Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You took a bar mat shot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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