Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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