Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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