I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
