i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize