We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize