capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
