just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
