There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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