2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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