I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize