There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
