Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
