If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize