This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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