the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
