i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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