Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
