Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
