Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
