i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
