WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's the barista slut.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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