I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
