areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
