my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
