dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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