how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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