My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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