Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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