How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize