I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
