So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
