I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
