oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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