I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
