he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
