I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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