Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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