...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
