it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize