He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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