it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
