I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
