It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
