Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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