I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
two words: eviction party
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
