She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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