Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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