u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
