I just pynch a tree in the face
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
