And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
