You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
