You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
