I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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