Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
