I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize