im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
