Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
