I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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